My mood at one time was rock btm.
At one point, i didnt wanted to carry on living anymore.
i made a decision so hopefully it will work, and i'll turn out ok.
I wanna thank a couple of my friends
You really show it to me yoo really cared
and that i still have ppl around me who loves me.
Thank you.
Esp, ling and nai.

-------------------------------------------------------------------


my mood is better.
but than still emo sometimes.
i found this song.
i really can connect to it.
so here yoo go friends.
this is how i feel.



-------------------------------------------------------------------





你笑着说
他是朋友
但你眼中太温柔


我的不安
那么沉重
只有你不懂


他霸占了
你的心中
属于我的角落
所以你说
我们不是你和我


是我想太多
你总这样说
但你却没有真的心疼我


是我想太多
我也这样说
这是唯一能安慰我的理由


他霸占了你的心中属于我的角落
所以你说我们不是你和我


是我想太多
你总这样说
但你却没有真的心疼我


是我想太多
我也这样说
这是唯一能安慰我的理由


我想我没有错怪了什么
虽然你不说或许错在我
太晚我才懂爱了你太多


这是唯一能安慰我的理由

IM DEAD.
at least i hope i will be.
than everything will be better for me.




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Pick your birth month.
→ Change the font to red for anything that doesn’t apply to you.
→ Bold the five that best apply to you.
→ Copy to your blog, livejournal, xanga, wordpress.
→ Tag 5 people from your friends list.

JANUARY
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people’s flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.

FEBRUARY
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, Shy(i insist i am SHY) and Humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

MARCH
Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

APRIL
Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people’s problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

MAY
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

JUNE
Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

JULY
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people’s feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt and takes long to recover.

AUGUST
Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive ( unless you are refering to my nose haha ) but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

SEPTEMBER
Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people’s mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

OCTOBER
Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn’t pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

NOVEMBER
Trustworthy and loyal. Very passionate and dangerous. Wild at times. Knows how to have fun. Sexy and mysterious. Everyone is drawn towards your inner and outer beauty and independent personality. Playful. Secretive. Very emotional and temperamental sometimes. Meets new people easily and very social in a group. Fearless and independent. Can hold their own. Stands out in a crowd. Essentially very smart. Usually, the greatest men are born in this month. One of a kind. Innocent, shy and childish. Proud of yourself. Little tomboy-ish. X-ray eyes. Always smile. Loves freedom. Revengeful. Get jealous easily. Selfish. Likes to hear nice things. Likes to have fame and reputations. Spendthrift.

DECEMBER
Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.

5 people I tag: LING, IKA, SANDY, CK, NAI

haha.
THANK YOU ah KOH DA ZHU for making my day.

here's one back.
ESPECIALLY
JUST for YOU !

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LOOK GUYS HOW CHIO IS THIS MAN !
(retro ah lian look!)
HAHA

See! i look so happy with her ~

lol. Presenting Ms Luo Han Yu of the Year ~

Yes ling.
i know you love me.

i love you too.
muuaaaah !~

Turning into a bitch
skeptical of everyone because of you.
i hate you

im so into you now ~

yeah im one heck of a selfish ass.

so bite me.

Do you hear me,
I'm talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky oh my, baby I'm trying
Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again

They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you I promise you, I will

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I'm lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

And so I'm sailing through the sea
To an island where we'll meet
You'll hear the music, fell the air
I'll put a flower in your hair
Though the breezes through trees
Move so pretty you're all I see
As the world keeps spinning round
You hold me right here right now

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I'm lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday





------------------------------------------------





Went to register my bike theory today. UBI !
thought it was very far from my house . but ok lah . quite near.

when hougang to find nai ma at her workplace.
while waiting for her to get off work walk around Hmall.

This is the first time i went to hougang since 2 months ago.
used to go down rain or shine everyday to meet him.
used to just walk anywhere and everywhere we wanted.
holding hands and we'll just walk .. and walk .
tired? and we just find some random place to sit down cause im a lazy bum.

but now, everywhere i go.
i see our shadow.
sitting at our 老地方 with nai they all doesnt feel the same.
doesnt feel the same sitting with you.
used to sit there and wait for you to come pick me up.
you used to sit there and wait for me cause im always late.


im so used to seeing your face.


before that when i was taking my bus 51 to hougang,
a sudden thought shot through my head.

memories of me sitting this same bus to meet you.
me sitting in this bus msg-ing you telling yoo i'll reach soon
while im still a long way to go.
memories of us sitting in this bus,
with you sitting beside me,
holding my hand through out,
sending me to my doorstep like a gentleman.

but now,
im alone in the damn bus.
my hands are empty.
my seats is empty.

i should really change my habit of rushing into the mrt to quickly save a seat for you.
or sitting on the outer seat on the bus to save a seat for you once you come.

without you,
i need to learn to eat my OR in my oyster egg,
i need to learn to bring my own jacket,
i need to learn how to warm myself up when i cold.
i need to learn to wake myself up in the morning.
i need to learn to control my temper.
i need to carry my own bag,
and not to put so much things inside until its too heavy for me to carry.
i need to learn to be independent for so many things in my life.

im never felt so alone in my life.
never felt so helpless.
never felt so lost.

its like boom,
than there you are,
telling me things are not working out.
telling me you're quite surprised that you like your new found freedom life.

yoo made me feel like i restrict you too much until you cant breathe.
yoo made me feel that i didnt make you happy.
yoo made me feel feel that im fucked up.
from the core to the outside.

all i can say is i was trying,
all this while,
growing up,
trying to be good gf that you can show to the world.
trying to make you, make us a better couple, a better person .
trying to protect you from this harsh world.

but all it seems to you is that im controlling,
i dont let you breathe,
i demand too much from you.

can anyone tell me isnt all relationship like this ?
you are together day after day.
grow up day after day.
changing hopefully for the better together everyday.
trying to help each other to be better in your own ways.

i really dont know whats right, whats wrong.
whats to be done.
whats not to be done in a relationship.



a short trip to hougang.
everything comes crashing down.
memories come flooding back like a broken damn.

now i know why i've been avoiding hougang.
avoid areas that you work.

i was protecting myself.
keeping all the memories back.
keeping myself from thinking back and feeling hurt.


the urge was so big when i was in hougang.
i wanted to go to your doorstep and wait for you to come home.
and tell you how much i missed you.
your hands.
your hugs.
your smile.
your frowns.
your everything.


but you told me your mind is made up.
all i wanted is some breathing space for us.
believin that we come back to each other.
cause we are right for each other.

but sometimes,
还是不要放手比较好。
有时候，
手一放了。
就不想牵回了。

you used to tell me this,
时间还很多
你可以等我
以前我不懂得
未必明天　就有以后.

now i finally know what this lyrics sentence means.


sometimes i'll call up my friends when im seriously close to breaking down.
some of you scold ,
some of you give me advise.

thank you.
but somehow,
my insides are screaming.

i dont need preaching,
dont need advise.

i just need someone to listen.

none of you have been through this.
cause none of you have been through the same kind of relationship,
none of you were together with a guy like him.

no one in this world is.

the heartache is the same.
immensely painfully.

but,
its frustrating not being able to put out my thoughts.
and find someone who knows.
i dont know.
maybe my heart is closed.
is dead.
is scared.

so i cant hear.
cant take in comforting.

i really hate myself sometimes.
why can i laugh still i ask myself,
why can i still carry on pretendin that this is not disturbing me.
this is not hurting me ?

it fucking hurts.
thats all i can say.
fucking fucking hurts.

i dont want time to wash away my heartache.
i dont want time to wash away my memories with you.
i dont want our anniversary date to be fade away with time.

im so scared that i'll forget your face,
forget your anniversary date.
forget your smell,
forget the touch of your hands,
your lips.

i dont want to forget you.


but i guess i 自找的,
i was the one asking for break.
hoping that just some time apart will do good.
I WAS SO WRONG.

if i knew that once i let you go,
once yoo seen the world outside,
you'll think that our world is too small,
too stuffy,
too boring,
with just 2 person.


but what can i do ?
nothing.

i miss you like crazy.
but i know things cant never be the same.


i cannot believe you dont love me anymore.
i cannot believe it just takes a month plus for you to forget our time together.
four freaking years.
FOUR.

i dont want to be forgetten.
dont want to be referred to as "my ex"
I DONT WANT.

i dont know why,
you can say im contradicting.
thats what you think.

i have so many contradicting thoughts.
the more i laugh on the outside.
the more i hurt inside.

i have nowhere to pour out my anger,
my fustration,
my sorrow,
my tears.

i dont feel like talking about it.
but a part of me is hoping the someone would truely understand.

i dont know what im doing.
really dont know dont know dont know.

what are you thinking ?
i really wanna know.
is life really better without me ?
i dont want your life to be better without me.
you can say im selfish.

but love is.


i seriously dont know what to say what to do what to feel.
i really dont know.


this is shit..
blabbing doesnt help me one bit.
doesnt.

fuck this shit,
fuck you.
fuck love.
fuck this world.

fuck you.

I saw yoo.
my heart skip a beat.
there yoo are sitting chatting with your friends.
I walk by you like i dont exist at all.

what.a.fucking.contradicting.feeling.




went clubbing like crazy. meet new friends. got drank.
kana dua by a friend.
meet BIG ZZ.
saw my ex crush..es . dance dance.
HAHA. im too lazy to update like the girls .
so here . all collage into ONE !
haha. its gonna be all my face from here now on.
Enjoy.




haha. Blur pig is stun to see 美女.














ok. haha. i hate clubs now. i have been having flash backs all today.
fuck it.